Lost but learning

Sometimes it seems that I am most motivated to work creatively at night. Unfortunately, I currently work jobs during the day and have a baby that wakes me up randomly so staying up to lean into my creative urges is not practical. However, waking up early has not been happening either. Sometimes I feel an enormous tension between the life I want to live and the life I am currently living. I feel completely out of control like I am grasping at straws. How the hell did I marry a man who makes so much noise when all I want 99% of the time is silence, I write as he sits next to me playing guitar, tapping his feet, and speaking in an Australian accent all while our 7 month old sits wriggling on the couch despite the fact that it is past her bed time. I am afraid to go to sleep at night because I know I will get no rest and I will wake up at the same time as everyone else the next morning, glumpy (that's the new word for grumpy in our house) and no where nearer my goals than the day before and with no path insight. Needless to say I am a bit lost right now. But I trudge on. The other day, I posed to Nick that perhaps I am not ready to make Gastropod and he replied with, "I have been thinking the same thing." So we will see how it plays out...up until now, I have been like a shark, needing to move forward in order to live. How can I find peace in being a snail when it is so against my very nature? There is an uncovering that is inherent to this piece, a digging if you will. So I continue to play the part of both gardener and snail. A snail resting in its shell and coming into its own in its own time and the gardener uncovering these simple creatures as I work in the ground. I still have so much to learn.