Imposter Syndrome

"Imposter syndrome is the condition of feeling anxious and not experiencing success internally, despite being high-performing in external, objective ways. This condition often results in people feeling like "a fraud" or "a phony" and doubting their abilities." 

Annnddd after 5 months back to work, I have finally identified what I have been feeling. But also I have been feeling this way within my jobs, as a mother, and as a HUMAN. Perhaps I have been having a bit of an identity crisis. Even still, there is one thing I know for sure-I am an artist. I may not know where I am going but I know where to start. I am an artist. I am a mother. I am a wife. I am a mover and a maker. I love God, I love nature, I love my communities. My work is about relationships and making things helps me to process big feelings. I have a LOT of big feelings. Like so many feelings. It is okay to feel things. Heck, in my artist statement I implore my audience to not be afraid to feel. I used to be afraid of feeling-In fact, I created a piece about it. But man, it is so boring to not feel things, so safe. It is because of the deepest sorrows that we can feel the brightest joys. I genuinely believe that. I am so grateful for emotions and emotional intelligence. Apathy is lame. On the other hand, you have to be able to function with those feelings and lately I am not sure that the rollercoaster of emotions I am on is lending itself well to being able to function (see above where I mention identity crisis). But also, if you ask those around me, they would tell you I am transitioning into motherhood and back to work with grace (see above where I mention imposter syndrome). Hopefully my self esteem will catch up to my self awareness soon. And so for now, for today I remember who I am as I sit here and write. I am an artist. I am a mother. I am a wife. I am a mover and a maker. I am a friend. Who are you?