Capacity

Well since my first blog post, my site traffic has doubled....so there must be one other person looking at my website besides me...Probably my mom. Anyhow, today I was able to paint a snail. This week is the spring break of my jobs and that is making all the difference in creative energy. As I am writing this, my husband has decided to play music on the stereo and it is greatly impeding my ability to think. As I get older (and after having a baby) my brain really does only hold space for one thing at a time. How does one continue to pursue creativity and survival? That is too dramatic. As Elizabeth Gilbert hints at in Big Magic, creative work (and life) just is not that serious. However, there is truth and validity in being tired. I'm not talking a little sleepy, I am talking continually worn out, burnt out if you will and I am TIRED of being tired. Part of my exhaustion is having a seven month old, part of it is having a different schedule than my husband, part of it is the move we just made, part of it is having three jobs, part of it is the fact that I am neuro-divergent--There is a lot to it but the most important part of it is that I have not been living the life I was made to live for too long. I have ignored the signs and symptoms, the warnings, the little naggings and they have finally caught up to me. So in order to have more creative capacity, big changes have to be made.