After all...

Another opportunity has come and gone and I find myself wondering, wandering. With all the distractions fading away, I am still afraid to start. What is it that I fear exactly? Why is it that I find myself so anxious, so tightly wound, around and around, I am running in circles. Actually, I am slowly moving in circles, crawling if you will. Today I found myself curling into my shell, and expanding. I danced for the sake of dancing and I painted with my two year old. I interpreted her ramblings to the best of my abilities, I made space for her in my life. I made space for me in my life. Today, I remembered why I love to dance, why movement feels so magical to me. If I can find more of that every day, I will know that I am, again, moving forward and not just moving around and around and around. The work still is not coming, the opportunities, too, are diminishing. I am losing momentum, and yet, I am still existing. Sometimes taking up space is all you can manage. Sometimes, being is enough. I am still scared to move forward, something that I am scared to admit; this is my life's work, after all.